How To Maintain A Relationship And Keep The Embers Burning Strong

How To

Maintain A Relationship

Keep The Embers Burning Strong:

Fear is the greatest trickster of all. As I sit here at the amazing Sonoma Mission Inn Spa, I’m reflecting on some deep truths about my relationship and most importantly my relationship with fear. 

So many times in my relationship I’ve been faced with great fear. 

The level of fear that seems impossible to overcome… Too great to bare. 

And every time I come out the other side better and stronger than ever. 

Amanda put me through the ringer in the first 6 months of our relationship. I faced a lot of my deepest pain that I hadn’t felt in decades. She wouldn’t give me her true heart until I helped her heal her heart, fully. 

Our relationship has so much love that we had no choice but to face ALL of our fears, limiting beliefs, childhood traumas, sibling dynamics, and more, before we fully felt safe and grounded with each other. 

And it’s still a process at times lol. But, it is THE most incredible journey of a lifetime too! In so many ways, she is my greatest teacher. 

Within my relationship with Amanda I’ve faced deep heartbreak many, many times. 

Why? Well, because there was so much love. 

And because there was so much love, I had to face my deepest fear of heartbreak, AND support her in healing her past heartbreaks too. 


Love still brings up our greatest fears and also our family dynamics. 

A few weeks ago I had a powerful fear come up around trust and financial security. 

I lost it. It was terrifying for me. 

But once I felt the fear fully, no matter how scary it was, within a day I felt better than ever. 

Fear can be a two faced lier. 

When fear overcomes us and we feel it fully, we can change drastically. We can appear as an entirely different person. 

But it’s not actually Who We Really Are. It’s just a mask we’ve put on to protect ourselves from perceived danger. 

I remember my dad having a big temper growing up… 

He was the BEST dad ever most of the time, no doubt about it. Super loving, compassionate, providing, everything amazing! But, on certain occasions (likely due to difficult times at work) he would simply loose it. 

And I remember thinking he turned into a demon. It was terrifying for me, and I hated it. 

But eventually, through spirituality, he largely healed that fearful side of him. 

And that’s a lot of what I’ve been doing lately. 

Feeling the fear fully, knowing that fear and emotions are fleeting, and that they will always pass. 

The deeper I feel fear, the more intense it is, but the more quickly it passes, and the stronger I become. 

So I’ve been diving into my fear lately. Many of my deepest fears. 

And luckily my partner Amanda has been able to hold space for me and not take it personally if/when I’m going through a Dark Night Of The Soul. 

Holding each other through our processes has allowed each of us to become more of Who We Really Are which is the greatest gift of all. 

Being together during the difficult times actually makes us stronger and more passionate in our relationship. It’s such a blessing. 

The power of fear can change you in an instant. And that’s okay. 

It’s a masterful trickster. It actually makes us believe that we’re not unconditionally loved (haha now that’s funny). 

The optimal way of dealing with it is simple. Let it be, feel it, and then let it go. 

Hope that the people around you can handle your process with fear. If not, handle your fear on your own as best as you can. 

Allow your process with fear to expand you rather than handle you. Let it guide you rather than control you. 

The more you improve your relationship with fear, the happier, stronger, and more resilient you will become mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and physically. 

Life with be your little playground. 

Play responsibly 🙂

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