I WAS DEPRESSED FOR MORE THAN A DECADE…
I was scared. I was intimidated. I was lonely. And I held it all in.
This is hard to admit but for more than a decade, since I was a child, I was mildly depressed and often had a never ending loop of negative thoughts running through my head.
“I hate myself,” “Today’s going to suck,” “No one likes me,” “I’ll never get the girl of my dreams,” “Ugh I’m such a loser.”
These were thoughts that went through my head on a daily basis (especially in high school).
It was not fun as you can imagine.
I was jealous of other people who seemed happy on the outside.
“They’re so happy, look at them… They’re spoiled. They have everything. They don’t deserve to be that happy.”
Every time I saw another man with a hot girlfriend and seemed to have it all together I would retract and feel bad about myself. I was so jealous it was almost painful.
…then when I saw beautiful radiant women I would be terrified. I’d want them so badly that it hurt. And I didn’t even put in much attempt to interact with them because I was scared of ‘not being good enough’ for them. I truly believed I was a lesser being.
IT WAS SELF SABOTAGING.
I was by far my own worst enemy.
And to be honest it was a living hell… I was jailed, lonely and sad, and worst of all I was scared to tell anyone how I felt.
I was afraid of feeling week. I was uncomfortable giving in and asking for help. I was afraid of crying.
So I held it all in.
No one reached out to me. No one, not even my parents, even knew I was depressed because I kept it a secret so well.
I was masterful at keeping feelings to myself. I learned to stuff them inside. It became habit.
When I got angry I stuffed it inside. When I got sad I ignored it. When I was joyful and happy I often held that in too.
I labeled my feelings as useless.
Only until many failed attempts and heartbreaks with women did I really stop and take a moment to really look at myself.
…Soon I started going in the other direction. Instead of constant self doubt I began looking in the direction of love and positivity. One book called The Power of Positive Thinking was the biggest breakthrough for me.
Through reading this book I realized that I actually have control over my thoughts so I then started actively (though it was difficult at first) flooding my brain with positivity.
Shortly after I stumbled across a website called High Existence. On this website I learned about meditation, how to create positive habits, understanding the ego, and much more. It changed everything for me.
Just search on the High Existence website for the above topics and you’ll find more than enough discussions and information to help you out 🙂
My positivity soon went from being a chore to being automatic and joyful. I practiced meditation on a daily basis, started an awesome morning routine to get each day started right, ate super healthy, started weight lifting regularly, approached and talked to cute girls despite my fears, started making more friends, etc.
I learned to love MYSELF.
…Today as my journey continues I still find areas where I have lots to work on. Women show me all of my blind and weak spots and for that, though it can often be painful, I’m grateful. Close friends and coaches help me identify parts of myself that I’m still afraid of. I journal and discover all kinds of fears and limiting beliefs that I don’t like to admit.
But that’s the journey.
It’s ALL good… Our darkness is just as beautiful as our light. It all depends on how the viewer (you and I) look at it
…If you have ever struggled with depression please reach out to me. I know how you feel. I get you. And it’s okay.
Jack Peterson is an enthusiastic explorer of life, lover of wisdom, and a Confidence and Leadership Coach. He has spent the last 6 years of his life exploring what it means to “be a man,” eliminating limiting beliefs, and discovering the universal laws of nature and the human experience. Due to his fierce commitment to his own growth and expansion he has invested in and worked with some of the most brilliant coaches and spiritual leaders in the world. His mission is to lead by example and help enlighten the people he interacts and works with. His content is described by many as simple but powerful.
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