Overcoming Shame for Feeling Quiet / Like An Outcast 

Have you ever felt ashamed for being on the quiet side?

It seems to be a common trend in society to subtilely shame introversion.

Have you ever heard someone say about another, “I like him/her, but she/he’s quiet.” The key word to point out here is the “BUT.”

I often secretly hated when people said this. My entire body would cringe up with some frustration and anger.

“What is ‘wrong’ with being quiet?!” I would always think to myself. And when I was shameful I would think, “damn I wish I was more talkative.”

It’s so strange that the Western culture often praises people for being loud and outgoing, and subtly shames those who are quiet.

Right now I see it as a call to integrate more as a culture.

The American culture is extremely outwardly focused. We’re constantly going out of our houses to work, comparing ourselves, competing against each other, overflowing our brains with information, stuffing ourselves with (unhealthy) food, distracting ourselves, etc.

I think some more quiet time would benefit the average Western person immensely. Quiet time such as going out in nature, meditating, writing, eye gazing with another, actually feeling emotions fully, and more. All of these practices release tension and stress and soothe the soul.

I’m realizing that I’ve always been a deep thinker and feeler. I was often ‘too shy’ to express myself because I felt that no one else would understand or relate to me. Additionally, my family is on the hardworking, quiet side, so that was a major influencer as well.

…Now I’m realizing that I could make a noticeable impact on others, even if they’re often a superficial conversationalist, by expressing my deep feelings and observations in the moment.
It’s definitely an edge for me to be more expressive. One of my hesitations is a thought, “could they even handle a truly deep conversation or would they get uncomfortable? Will they think my observations are strange and out of the ordinary?”

Got to try it out to find out the truth. Time to take on a new challenge and growth opportunity 🙂

1. Feel the shame. Give it attention. Love and embrace it. This will allow the feeling to flow through you and heal, rather than stick around and bother you.

2. Open up about it. Talking to others about it will allow you to see that it’s actually quite normal. A lot of people have some fears about being quiet or sometimes having introverted tendencies.

3. Express yourself more. When you have a subtle feeling and you notice that you’re keeping it to yourself in fear of your perception of how people might take it… Share it anyways. You may be surprised by how much connection may be created with the people around you.

4. Allow yourself to be quiet, even if you imagine people are judging you for it. Stand up for your desire to be by yourself. This is a practice of self love, and you will deepen your relationship with yourself, thus bringing more fulfillment, happiness and peace to your life.

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