Have you ever asked yourself, “What the hell do women actually want in a man?” I’ll admit, it’s a common mystery. Because of the media and the role societal expectations play in our growth and learning, too many men don’t really have a solid idea about what women want…let alone what ‘Highly Conscious’ women want.
Do any of these questions sound familiar to you?
“She’s gorgeous, how am I ever supposed to be able to talk to her!?”
“What did she mean when she said I’m never ‘real’ with her?”
“How can she expect me to be strong, all the time?”
We’re confusing beings, I’ll admit that too. Sometimes we’re terrible at expressing ourselves accurately, even if we’re stereotypically known as the “communicative” ones. Let’s put all that confusion on hold, just for a moment.
I’d like to take you to a place where confusion doesn’t exist and everything is crystal clear…
But first, things are going to get a little hazy, a little strange. Stay with me and you’ll enjoy the ride…
…Imagine you’re sitting in large, dark cabin. There’s a fire blazing in the hearth, the only source of warmth this room besides the warm bodies of the people in the circle you’re a part of.
A drum beats. Women are lying on their backs on the wooden floor in front of you…
You are sitting between two of your Highly Conscious brothers with one hand raised, your palm facing the center of the circle.
Your other hand is resting on the center of your chest. You inhale deeply, and exhale, focusing on the women in front of you. Somehow, in that instant, the women start to smile, even though their eyes are still closed…
You feel their energy pulsing back at you, and the electricity of the air between you and them feeds your next breath.
Keeping your palm facing them, you are confident, compassionate, and incredibly powerful as you send positive energy towards these women, feeling their deep acceptance of you and gratefulness for your generosity…
Would it surprise you if I told you that this cabin room is real? The fire, the circle of strong men, the women soaking in that power? All real.
The circle happened a month ago as part of The Higher Purpose Project. This experience helped answer the question of what Highly Conscious women really look for in men.
These 25 men sat around us, legs crossed, palm raised. I was one of the women lying there. What followed was the most pure energy we had ever felt: a huge wave of this energy washing over all of us. No judgment, no sexuality, no competition, just powerful compassion and genuine support.
Guys: I talked to the ladies and we agreed 100%. We want you to know that this energy is immensely attractive (and that we’ll gladly send it back to you)!
Now, there are sexier ways to answer the question of “what women really look for in men” or “what women really want”. But we’re people, and even as ‘Highly Conscious’ people we desire and seek out three things beyond meeting our biological needs (food, sex, sleep, etc.)…which aren’t things at all, but states of being:
1. To be happy.
2. To be at peace.
3. To be free from suffering (aka fear/pain/negativity).
Both women and men seek these three states, in themselves and via their relationships with other people. How they choose to achieve them is of course, a different story.
Even before a Highly Conscious woman thinks of what she wants in a man, she has these three states as goals in mind. The type of man she really wants will help her create a life where happiness, peace, and freedom from suffering are present as much as possible.
The trick is that each woman is looking to achieve this in a radically different way.
This difference in method directly affects their choice of men to date, love, enjoy, marry, and generally spend time around. To simplify your life for the next few minutes, let’s entertain the idea that there are two types of women.
A woman will value safety and comfort or challenge and adventure above all else. Find out quickly what she values most (i.e. how she prefers to achieve the three sought-after states of being) and you’ll have a much easier time establishing compatibility, contributing to her happiness, and keeping yourself sane.
At times, one type will be looking for characteristics of both to be present in your relationship with her. At other points in her life, she may change and tend towards the other type. The key is to find out what really matters to her and to ask yourself if that matches what you value and can bring to the relationship.
Now let’s define that weighty word…
Relationship: the way in which two or more people are connected, or the state of being connected.
The relationship you have as a long-term lover compared to a life partner, friend, or occasional fling certainly differs in timeline and trajectory or depth, while all are still valid forms of connections between human beings.
For the purpose of this article, we’ll also need a definition of these two types of Highly Conscious women. In reality, each falls somewhere on a spectrum, so let’s start with the polarized “types”. Neither type is better nor worse, but each searches for a different kind of Highly Conscious man.
Highly Conscious Woman Seeking Safety
She thrives in a life of stability, which often means a secure job, a steady trajectory of relationship milestones (dating…engagement…marriage). She may look to you to fulfill the traditional roles of provider and protector.
Comfort in the home is very important to her. The more you do to enhance that sense of comfort in the particular ways she prefers, the more secure and happy she feels with you. She shows you consistent, outward affection and may expect it in return (and if she doesn’t consciously expect it, she’ll certainly feel validated and secure when you do share your caring nature).
Example: the safety-seeker will want her novelty and excitement in controlled doses (i.e. don’t buy her a surprise ticket to a far-off country).
Highly Conscious Woman Seeking Challenge
She places great value on new experiences and her independence. Her capacity to thrive depends on how much opportunity and support you give her so she can grow and expand — whether that means in her career, her friendship circles, or her skills and talents.
The more daring you are, the more attractive she finds you. A little risk won’t make her shy away, as she enjoys being on the edge of something exciting. Affection is something that she values, and you can be assured that she’ll reciprocate, as long as it’s given in a way that’s not overwhelming or cramping her style.
Example: the challenge-seeker will want you to push her to do the things she’s scared to do (i.e. dinner and a movie for a date is probably the last thing on her mind).
One Key Thing That All Women Value
Regardless of what type she tends towards, one thing is certain:
All women value being interacted with in terms of personality, skills, intellect, humor, kindness, and other personalized traits vs. being seen solely in terms of sexual desire.
Learn this, practice it in your interactions with women, and doors will open where before only walls existed. That’s a promise.
Ready to try it yourself? Here are three easy steps to start with:
1. The next time an attractive woman asks a standard question like “How are you?”, go a bit deeper with your answer than you normally would. Give her an idea of a struggle or a triumph that’s happening in your life — stick with a small issue to begin with, and observe where the conversation goes from your authentic initiative.
Be direct and unashamed: you’re human, humans have problems — everyone knows it, and it’s extremely refreshing when people are real about what’s going on with them.
2. Consciously give off a positive vibe during your interactions with ALL women who cross your path today…even to that grumpy lady at the grocery store.
3. Take stock at the end of the day: how did being more compassionate affect those women and their reactions to you? If you have a journal, write down all the good stuff that you noticed during that day of conscious compassion towards the women around you.
Want to be Sexier? Be Authentic and Vulnerable.
The story I asked you to imagine at the beginning of this article was one of many moments at the Higher Purpose Project Summit where men – including bros and 50-year-old corporate executives! – allowed themselves to be vulnerable.
They went deep within themselves. They found things they didn’t like, and they shared some of those things with all of us.
For these men to be open, honest and vulnerable, they had to be confident.
And that level of confidence was sexy as hell.
Not only was it sexy, their vulnerability also enabled them to make some seriously deep connections.
And in the end, that deep connection is exactly what Highly Conscious women really look for in men.
Ginger Kern is a Peak Performance Coach and adventure enthusiast based in Boulder, CO. She is Summit Manager of the May 2014 Higher Purpose Project Summit. Through her coaching, she gets you from the reality that surrounds you to the reality you envision for yourself. Find her on Facebook and Twitter.
P.S. Have you ever experienced anything similar when you’ve gone into a situation with women? Leave a comment below so more guys can learn how awesome confident vulnerability can be!
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